I didnt know...............

i didnt noe dat i was so upset...................

i didnt noe dat i've been trying to carry da burden on mah own..........
i didn't noe dat i've been looking for da joy i used to hv.
i didn't noe dat i could actually lean on her shoulder and cried all out.
i didn't noe i was dat stressful.
i didn't noe hw to deal wif it in fact.

i sort of forgetting, all these until Today.
i truly feel it strongly.
i am that weak.i can't handle all dese on my own. i simply can't .
frist month, ppl didn't want you to go back, when da tym u go back, u've lot of bros and sis care bout yr family. tym past by, things seems to be stable a little bit. At least yr dad's still alive.
memories start to becum vague or vanish. i didnt rely much on ppl seriously, not a single soul. i m nt locking myself up. but for i noe Jesus is de only one who understand me da most. he knows me better dan i noe myself. in church just now, i felt i breakdown, i hv been trying so hard to telling others and myself
I am ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but da fact is, i'm nt. i m trying to handle all da stress, all da complains, all da judgements, all da sadness on my own. cuz i hv no idea who to look for, except Jesus.
mum was asking me last nite, Who do u trust da most?
i said, GOD. it's true. she said apart from GOD? i said Nobody. she felt das so freaky, i didnt even trust my parents. i told her, i do trust dem but one day u too will leave me as well. i kan trust nobody but only GOd. god will never leave me. HE wouldnt gossip me or keep judging me or keep complaing bout all u do. cuz no matter hw hard u try, u are still nt good enough. but in god's eyes, he understand, he will hold my hands and never let me go. he would never. never ever.


after being prayed by gabby after service, she said "joey, u dun hv to be that strong all the time. you dun hv to. "and i couldnt hold my tears anymore. weeping and weeping weeping and weeping............................couldnt stop after sometime.

Yes, Jesus reminds me "joey, it's okay, to lift mah burdens to me. to cry it out and tell me you're nt ok. cuz i'm with you even you are going through valleys as dark as death. "

Oceans Will Part

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand


Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done


Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I’ll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand